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Getting Older
Getting Older These are the views of one person. One and the same person. The only difference is the change of views as the person gets older. Before I leave school - Old people are smelly and wee the floor at old peoples homes. They are always...
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The Beginnings of Medicine, via the Back Passage.

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Hello, Mick here.
When I should have been in short pants, but didn’t have any, medicine was hardly a tonic.
The nearest comparable thing to modern medicine was a type of Acupuncture

The most noticeable difference between it then, and now, is the needles.
We didn’t have medical grade stainless steel.

What we did have though, was an ample supply of bamboo chutes.
While these were considered organic, whatever that is, they were somewhat larger in diameter.

If time goes as slow for you as it does for me, then discover the virtues of ORIGINAL MEDICINE.

The science of putting such probes in particular nerve paths was more primitive, and one hundred times more effective.
Supposing that you had an earache, then I can guarantee you that you would only have it once.

An immature chute (three-inches in diameter) would be forcibly inserted directly to the site of the pain!! It was a similar deal for eye infections! Re-infections were non-existent!

In the off-chance that you had diarrhoea, then the treatment was local, rapid and somewhat final.

I won’t even mention toothache. We had no teeth! Indeed, teeth and any associated maladies, were considered to be a waste of good timber.

Eczema, psoriasis, acne and indeed migraine were migrant workers, as far as we were concerned.
Asthma was slightly different though, and was an herbal remedy for flatulence, not that we had much. It would be “lanced”, long before it would present a problem. Gaseous or otherwise.

Yes, our local clinic was never understaffed or under-resourced, such was the availability of bamboo.

Should a hungry dinosaur “happen” on your leg, arm, or anything except your head (this would have been considered to be a “threat”), a simple poultice made of Zinc (readily available at the 7/11), Selenium (unavailable, but anything starting with “S” was sufficient, and only your imagination could deprive you), and milk (from the milkman), would redirect the pain. Guaranteed!!!!

You had to be tough to survive medicine, and that was just practicing it.
To survive it as a patient required a sharp memory. If you “forgot” your previous visit, then ...........well then......longevity was not for you!

There was nothing trivial, repetitive or indeed actual, about the Hippocratic oath.
“Accept your fate, and relinquish your dinosaur eggs” as I remember it, was the motto of Medicine.

Mick,
medicinalmalice@thetrivialtimes.com

About the Author

Thick Mick is an "expert columnist" with the www.TheTrivialTimes.com

 

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Getting Older

Patch a Scottish Collie

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IT'S MERRY-MAKING MAY NATURALLY!
Copyright The Quipping Queen 2005 IT'S MERRY-MAKING MONTH MAY NATURALLY! -- Eccentric events and odd occasions to celebrate in May 2005 -- Compiled by Lady Beatrice Blitterlees and edited by Lord Earl Craboon When the odd flibbertygibbet or two...
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“Too Much Stuff” Syndrome or How Decorating and Organizing Can Help Your Sanity
Publishing Guidelines: You may publish this article with the article and resource box intact and unchanged provided any links are hyperlinked. A courtesy copy of your publication would be appreciated. (The challenge paragraph may be omitted for...
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Truck Stop Christmas
This is a true story. It was told to me by a guy I met on a Riverboat. That’s how I know it’s true; who could doubt the veracity of a River Rat? He didn’t use any backup singers when he told it to me, but I thought since this is going out on the...
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A Moment of Magic!
Laughter may or may not be a shock, relieved, but its’ therapeutic effects are recognised in most cultures. It allows a positive distractive moment or moments. When things are tough, rough, overbearing or endless, a quick laugh can help to...
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